Abazali bahlala bexhalabele “ukonakalisa” abantwana babo. Xa uthetha ngomntwana owonakeleyo, kuya kufuneka uqonde ngokwenyani ukuba kuthetha ntoni oku. Yintoni umntwana owonakeleyo?

Umntwana wonakaliswa ngokuthathelwa inkululeko yokuzenzela! Akonakaliswa ngokuthandwa okanye kona ukumnika izinto. Unokumnika umntwana phantse nantoni na kwaye ayiyi kumonakalisa. Kodwa ukuba umohlutha ukuzimela kwakhe (inkululeko yakhe) yokuzenzela kuya kumonakalisa.

Umntwana unokuhluthwa ukuzimela yokuzenzela ngeendlela ezininzi.

Okokuqala kukumyekisa ukwenza into okanye ukumenza enze into ngaphandle kwentsebenziswano yakhe, othi uyenzela “okulungele yena.” Kodwa oku kuyamthintela kuphela ekuthabatheni izigqibo zakhe kwaye kumohlwaya ngakumbi xa izigqibo zakhe zimfaka engxakini.

Umzekelo, masithi umntwana uthatha isigqibo sokunceda umhlobo kwizifundo zakhe emva kwesikolo. Ngenxa yoko, ufika ekhaya sele kusemva kwexesha kwisidlo sangokuhlwa sosapho. Uyise uyacaphuka yile nto aze amxelele ukuba akavumelekanga ukuba afike emva kwexesha lesidlo sosapho—na nini na! Masithi ubawo ke uthatha enye yesibonelelo somntwana njengesohlwayo. Ngoku umntwana wohlwaywa ngesigqibo sakhe kwaye uyaqonda ukuba ngenene akanayo inkululeko yezenzo okanye izigqibo.

Enye impazamo eqhelekileyo kukuba uqhubeke uxelela umntwana ukuba wonke umntu ulunge kangakanani kuye, kunye nendlela eliqhutywa ngayo ilizwe kusenzelwa yena nokuba ukanambongo (ukungabonisi umbulelo) xa ebuyisela kwaye akabonisi luxabiso nangayiphi na indlela. Le yenye indlela yokuhlutha umntwana inkululeko yakhe yesenzo. Imenza azive ngathi unetyala kuwe kwaye akufuneki azame ukuzenzela izinto.

Inyani yile yokuba akukho mntwana okhe wabhujiswa luthando, ngovelwano, ngobubele, ngokuqonda okanye nokuba nokuzonwabisa (ukumnika kakhulu). Unokunika umntwana wakho imoto, isithuthuthu okanye nantoni na wena, njengomntwana, owawuyifuna kwaye umntwana wakho akazukonakala. Ungamnika iithoyi ezingcono kunaye nabani na okwibhlokhi onayo kwaye awusoze umenze i snob (umntu ojongela abanye phantsi) kuye.

Eyona nto isebenza kakuhle kukuvumela umntwana wakho ukuba azenzele kwaye azenzele izigqibo nabahlobo adlala nabo kwaye ahamba nabo esikolweni. Unokuphuma ayokwaba impahla yakhe ukuba uyafuna okanye engathandi. Ixhomekeke kuye. Ukuba uvunyelwe ukuba aphile ngale ndlela, uya kuzibonela ngokwakhe ukuba usebenza njani umhlaba. Kwaye leyo yinto ekufuneka ayifunde.

Kufuneka sophule iinkolelo zakudala (inkolelo engeyonyani) yokuba uthando noku thandwa zimcaphukise kakuhle umntwana kwaye zimbangele ingxaki okanye zimphambanise Abantu bayayikholelwa le nto-kodwa ayiyonyani.

Unokuqinisekiswa ukuba eyona ndlela ikhawulezayo yokuhlutha umntwana wakho ayikokumthanda, kodwa kukususa inkululeko yakhe yokuzenela.