Kukho izinto wena, njengomzali, onokuthi uzenze ukunceda umntwana wakho ukuba akhawuleze aphume ezingxineni, ekuvuthulweni, ezikweni, ezikweni nasekunciphiseni izinto ezihlala ziyinxalenye yokukhula.

Ezi ndlela zikhethekileyo okanye iindlela zokunceda, ezibandakanyiweyo ngezantsi, sebenzisa unxibelelwano phakathi kwakho nomntwana wakho. Unxibelelwano lubaluleke kakhulu ekusebenzisaneni nabantwana, njengoko kunjalo nakweyiphi na inkalo yobomi. Izenzo ezichazwe apha zonke assists. I assist sisenzo esilula onokuthi usithathe nomnye umntu ukuncedisa ukudakumba ukungakhululeki okanye ukunceda ukulungisa ubunzima.

Zininzi izinto onokuthi uzenze ukunceda umntwana ofumana ukusikeka okanye owenzakeleyo ngokuwa kancinci. Ukuba umbuzo uthi, “Ukuba umntwana uzenzakalisa, wenza ntoni kwangoko kwaye wenza ntoni kamva?” Impendulo ixhomekeke kwinto oyithethayo ngokuthi “kwangoko.”

Thula

Ukuba uthetha kwangoko, ngoko nangoko, impendulo kukuba uthi cwaka! Xa umntwana ezenzakalisa, yeka ukuthetha. Zama ukungatsho kubo bonke abantu abakungqongileyo, “Shush! Shush! Shush!” okanye “Yeka ukuthetha!” okanye “Yithi cwaka!” Kufuneka uthule nje. Ukuba abanye abantu bayathetha ngeenxa komntwana owenzakeleyo, ngamanye amaxesha uyakuvele ubasuse, kodwa musa ukwenza okuninzi kokuthetha ngelixa usenza loo nto. Unokumnceda ngakumbi umntwana ngokuthi ungathethi nto. Kungathatha ixesha elincinci ukuziqeqesha ukuba ungathethi xa umntwana enzakele, kodwa akukho nzima ukwenza lo mkhwa. Ukuthula akululibazisi uthando.

Ke ukungatsho nto yinto yokuqala ukuba ofanele uyenze, kuba ukwenza ingxolo eninzi kunye nokuhamba ngokungxama okanye ukuthetha ujikeleze umntwana owenzakeleyo kunokwenzakalisa amathuba akhe okuphola.

Ke ngoko, sukuthetha okanye wenze ingxolo ejikeleze umntwana osandula ukwenzakala. Sebenza ngokuthula ukuze uncede umntwana ngokunika naluphi na uncedo lokuqala oludingekayo ngokwenzakala.

Ukulinganisa

Enye into onokuyenza ukunceda umntwana kukuzama ukulinganisa ukulila kancinci. Ukulinganisa kukukopa okanye ukuxelisa isenzo somnye umntu kunye neentshukumisa zomzimba ezibonisa iimvakalelo zabo. Yenza ukulinganisa okuthe cwaka, okuthetha ukukopisha intshukumo yomntwana kuphela, hayi le ayithethayo. Kwaye wenza njalo ungakhange uthethe. Umzekelo, umntwana ukujonga aze ahlikihle amehlo akhe. Ke ujonge kuye kwaye uhlikihle amehlo akho. Ufumana umbono wokuba ulapho kwaye nonxibelelwano kunye naye kwaye uya kuphuma ngokukhawuleza kuloo msindo.

Ukulinganisa ukukhala kunomdla kakhulu. Unokwenza ukulinganisa ukukhala nabantwana koololiwe abahamba ngaphantsi komhlaba nakwiibhasi nakwiivenkile njalo njalo. Masithi ubona umntwana omncinci kakhulu, omncinci kakhulu. Uyancuma, ubuyisela uncumo kuye. Okanye kwenzeke ukuba uqaphele ukuba ushwabanisela impumlo yakhe kuwe. Ke ngokunjalo nawe ushwabanisele impumlo yakho kuye. Uba nomdla kakhulu kuba uyabona ukuba unonxibelelwano uluhamba naye.

“Yenzeke Phi?”

Eyona assist elungele umntwana owenzakeleyo okanye ocaphukileyo ngoku lula kukumbuza “Kwenzeke phi?” emva koko, mbuze, “Uphi ngoku?” Xa ubuza le mibuzo, kufuneka unike umntwana ukuba akhombe indawo ngalo lonke ixesha xa ephendula. Le assist inokunceda ukuphilisa amanxeba oyikekayo amaninzi kubantwana ngokukhawuleza okukhulu.

Ungayitshintsha imibuzo ngokuxhomekeke kwiimeko. Masithi umntwana ukuxelela ukuba wenzakalise idolo lakhe. Unokubuza, “Uyonzakalise phi?” Kwaye “Uphi ngoku?” Okanye “Uwele phi?” Kwaye “Uphi ngoku?” Phinda imibuzo, omnye emva komnye, de umntwana ade umntwana angabisena kucaphuka.

“Ndixelele Ngayo”

Unokumbuza nje umntwana owenzakeleyo, “Kwenzeke ntoni? Ndixelele ngayo.” Emva koko mvumele umntwana akuxelele okwenzekileyo. Xa egqibile ukukuxelela, mcele ukuba akuxelele kwakhona.

Ungamthatha umntwana wakho izihlandlo ezininzi ade ahleke okanye abe nemihlali ngayo.

I Locational Assist

Enye yezona zinto zilula kwi assists yi Locational Assist. I Locational Assist yenziwa ngokususa ingqalelo yomntu kwindawo ebibuhlungu yomzimba wakhe okanye ukucaphuka kwakhe nangaphandle kwindawo emngqongileyo.

Masithi wawufuna ukunika umntwana i assist owayenobunzima engakwazi ukufumana okanye ukuchaza. Umntwana uva iintlungu kodwa akakwazi kuthetha ukuba iphi. Akazi ukuba kwenzeke ntoni kuye. Uziva nje kakubi.

Xelela umntwana ukuba uza kwenza i Locational Assist kwaye umchaze ngokufutshane ngenkqubo. Mxelele ngento oza kuyithetha kwaye uqiniseke ukuba uyayiqonda.

Emva koko khomba into kwaye uthi kumntwana, “Jonga le ______ (into).”

Xa umntwana esenza le nto ubuyicelile, acknowledge ngokuthi “Kulungile” okanye “Enkosi.”

Qhubeka unika umntwana i assist, uhambisa ingqalelo yakhe kwizinto ezahlukeneyo ezingqonge yena. Umzekelo, inokuba ngumnyango, isitulo okanye into yokudlala.

Qiniseka uku acknowledge ngalo lonke ixesha xa esenza lonto obuyicelile. Umzekelo, uthi, “Jonga la mthi.” Ujonga umthi kwaye uyabona ukuba wenze njalo. Acknowledge ngegama elithi “Enkosi.” Emva koko ke mxelele ukuba “Jonga esi sakhiwo.” Ujonga esi sakhiwo kwaye uyabona ukuba wenze njalo kwaye uthi “Kulungile.” Wothi kuye, “Jonga esa sitrato.” Ujonga esitratweni kwaye uyabona ukuba uyenzile loo nto kwaye acknowledge ngokuthi “Konke kulungile.” Emva koko ke umxelele ukuba “Jonga olu hlaba.” Uyayenza kwaye uyayibona ukuba uyenzile kwaye acknowledge ngento efana nokuthi “Kuhle kakhulu.” Qho xa umxelela ukuba ajonge into, kufuneka uyikhombe kwinto leyo.

Gcina le nto kude kube iintlungu zomntwana ziyehla kwaye ulumke ngakumbi. Xa oko kusenzeka, ungaluphelisa i assist. Xelela umntwana, “Ukuphela kwe assist.”

I Locational Assist ilula kakhulu ukuyinikeza. Inokwenziwa xa umntwana enokwenzakala okuthile okanye xa egula okanye xa kukho into emenza agule okanye abuhlungu angakwazi ukukuchaza ngokulula.

Ukwenza i Locational Assist kunganceda umntwana ngokufanelekileyo.

I Assist yoku Yalela

I assist yoku layela ilunge kakhulu ebantwaneni. Kule assist, umntwana ukhomba kwaye akhombise indlela. Ukwenza le assist, umntwana kufuneka okungenani abe neminyaka emibini enesiqingatha ubudala. Umbuzo ubuza, “Iphi (kwaye uchaze into eqhelekileyo, efana netafile)?” Ke “Siphi isitulo?” Kwaye “Uphi uMama?” Kwaye nangokunjalo. Ukwenza le assist emntwaneni kuyasebenza kakhulu.

Unokwenza kwakhona le assist njengenxalenye yokufundisa ulwimi emntwaneni. Ngokukhawuleza unokufunda amagama azo zonke izinto ezisegumbini ngokwenza oku. Uyabuza, “Iphi itafile?” Ke uthi, “Le yitafile, phaya. Ngoku, iphi itafile? Kulungile, kukho itafile. Konke kulungile.”

Emva koko unokuthatha enye into okanye inxenye yesithuba esikujikeleze ubuze, “Uphi umgangatho? Ngumgangatho lowo.”

Xa usenza le assist nomntwana, emva kwethutyana uza kukubuza, “Iphi itafile?” kwaye “Uphi umgangatho?” kwaye nakanjalo. Ungayikhathaleli. Qhubeka nje kwaye ulandele izicelo zakhe. Oko kuyamonwabisa, nako.

Ukujongana noSizi

Ukuba umntwana usentlungwini (uziva elilusizi kakhulu, uyakhala, njl.) Ukumvumela nje ukuba alile ade aphume kuyo kuya kuhlala kwanele. Oku kuyinyani ngakumbi ukuba unxibelelane ngokusondeleyo naye kwaye uyazi ukuba unokuthembela kuwe ngenkxaso nangoncedo.

Ukuba umbuza ngokwenzekileyo aze angaphenduli, musa ukunyanzelisa okanye umnyanzele ukuba akuxelele. Kwaye ungazami ukunqanda umntwana ekubeni alile ngokumxelela ukuba angakhali.

Myeke alile. Yile nto kufuneka umenzele yona. Sukuzama ukumonwabisa. Myeke alile. Myeke alile ade ekugqibeleni akubone ukuba ukho.

Ukuba uqala ukuthetha nomntwana olilayo, unokumenza ngokukhawuleza abe nomsindo kakhulu kwaye aziphathe ngendlela engalawulekiyo okanye uza kucaphuka okanye aziphose kuye. Uya kwenza izinto ezahlukeneyo. Ufuna nje ukuba uyeke ukuthetha naye.

Uyakhala kuba ephulukene nento. Kukho into elahlekileyo apho, ngandlela thile. Kwaye ngoku, wena, kunye nemibuzo yakho, uzama ukufumana okuthile kuye. Ufuna ukuba athethe okuthile.

Xa eziva kakubi kwaye elila, kuba ephulukene nento, wazi kangcono kunokuba athethe into kuwe, kuba ecinga ukuba uza kuphulukana ngakumbi. Ke ukuba unyanzela unxibelelwano kuye, angacaphuka. Kodwa, ukuba usebenzisa elungileyo, unxibelelwano olumnene ukumenza aqaphele ukuba akaphelelwanga ngokupheleleyo abantu angathetha nabo, udala ibhalansi. Uyabona ukuba ukhona, uthetha naye, kwaye awulindelanga ngokwenene ukuba aphendule.

Ukuba wenza le nto ngobunono kwaye ungathethi kakhulu, uya kukuqonda nje wena. Uya kuthi, ngequbuliso, ayeke ukulila kwaye uya kuphola kuba eqaphelile ukuba ukhona.

Enye into onokuyenza kukuthatha ithoyizi elincinci okanye into yolu hlobo kwaye uyibeke esandleni sakhe. Ungamnika phantse nantoni na. Uya kuyala ekuqaleni. Kutheni eyala? Ngaye, ayikho apho, kuphela. Uyoyika ukuba uza kuthetha naye. Kodwa, ngequbuliso, uyakuthatha le uyibeka ezandleni aze athi, “Oh, kulungile. Oku kulungile.”

Anganokuba ngumchasi kancinci xa umnika into. Ngaba wakhe wamthengela umntwana wakho ikhowuni ye-ice-cream? Wambona elila kwaye wamnika ikhowuni ye-ice-cream. Wakhala kancinci kancinci ke kwaye mhlawumbi waye nenkcaso kancinci, emva koko wenza ngathi akanamdla kwi-ice cream kwaye ekugqibeleni, njengoko weza ngayo, phayana ebekhona, esitya i-ice cream kwaye ejonge ngapha nangapha kwaye eziva elungile.

Enye into onokuyenza ukunceda umntwana kukutsala ingqalelo yakhe ngokwenza lento ayenzayo. Umzekelo, umntwana omncinci ulele phantsi, uziva elusizi kwaye elila kwaye akazukuphendula. Ungalala phantsi kwaye uqalise ukulila nawe. Ngamanye amaxesha kalula ungalala phantsi ngalendlela umntwana alele ngayo kwaye umntwana uya kuziva ekhululeka kakhulu. Isenokuvakala ingaqhelekanga, kodwa ulala nje phantsi kwaye umntwana uyeka ukulila. Umntwana uziva ebhetele kuba ulapho kwaye aqale nje ukuthetha nawe. Kodwa ukuba ayisebenzi, ungaqala ukulila nawe.

Masithi umntwana ulele apho kwaye uhamba esithi-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo kwaye ulala apho kwaye uthi loo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Umntwana unokude athi, “Yintoni le ngxolo? Kuqhubeka ntoni apha?” Kwaye iyakukuqaphela. Yindlela nje yokutsala ingqalelo. Xa ufumana ingqalelo yomntwana iqwalasele kancinci kwinxalenye yendawo emngqongileyo, leyo linyathelo lokuqala lokungena unxibelelwano.

Njengomnye umzekelo, umntwana usenokuziva kakubi. Unokuziva ngathi ubomi bunebhutsi ezinzima kakhulu kwaye sele zihamba nje phezu kwakhe. Umntwana uziva esoyikeka kwaye umane esithi “sniff-sniff.” Ke wenza izandi ezifanayo ze “sniff-sniff.” Ukuba wenze nje, umntwana uya kukujonga aze ajonge kude kwakho.

Into elandelayo uyazi, umntwana uya kuphinda azame oku kwaye aphinde enze “Sniff.” Ke nawe wenze “Sniff.”

Kwaye ke umntwana uzawukuba nolwanabo.

Enye indlela yokunceda umntwana olilayo kukuba umntwana azibaxe inyembezi zakhe. Nanku umzekelo wendlela omnye umzali ayiphatha ngayo intombi yakhe ekhalayo ngale ndlela. Ungene elila kuba efuna okuthile aze umzali athi, “Gee, kwakuhle oko. Makhe sibone ukuba ungayenza na kwakhona.” Ubuye wakhala kwakhona emva koko wamjonga ngoncumo. Kwaye wathi, “Kwakuhle oko.” Waye cinga njalo naye. Oku kwababa sisiphelo seenyembezi.

Uhlobo olulula loku lusebenza nasemntwaneni: acknowledge nje kalula into eyenzwa lusana. Umntwana omncinci, elele kwibhedi yakhe, uyakhala, uyakhala, uyakhala, uyakhala, abantu beza ngakuye kwaye bahlala besithi, “Shush, shush, kulungile sithandwa, akukho mntu uzokuhamba kwaye akukho mntu uzokushiya,” njl. Kodwa i Scientologist isondela ebhedini yomntwana anike umntwana uvumo oluhle, esithi kuye “Kulungile! Kulingile!” Kwaye umntwana uyeka ukulila. Kutheni eyeka? Kungenxa yokuba, ngamazwi amaninzi, i Scientologist yathi, “Ndikuvile ulila, ndiyayazi into oyenzayo, ulele apho ulila.” Yi acknowledgement esebenzileyo—ukwazisa umntu ukuba umvile.

Njengomzekelo ohlekisayo wokwamkelwa komntwana omncinci ngento ayenzayo, kuye kwakho umntwana omncinci, elele kwityotyombe lakhe kwaye elila, elila, elila, elila, elila. I Scientologist yasondela ecaleni kwebhedi yomtwana wathi “Molo!” Emva koko wathi, “Lala ebhedini yakho.” “Enkosi.” “Lala ebhedini yakho.” “Enkosi.” “Lala abhedini yakho.” Yilonto umntwana ebeyenza, wancwina esenza isijwili esikhulu sokuphumla wayeka ukulila. Ilula kakhulu. I Scientologist yamnika into yokuba ayenze ngenene ngempumelelo.

Ke indlela yokunceda umntwana onosizi kukuba ubekhona kuye umntwana uze umkhuphe kwintlungu yakhe ngokunxibelelana. Ukuba ungamngenisa kunxibelelwano, uya kuphuma kwincaphuko zakhe.

Isishwankathelo

Amanqaku aphambili ekujonganeni nokucaphuka komntwana okanye ukwenzakala zezi:

1. Ungathethi kwanto kwaye ungenzi isandi malunga nomntwana owenzakeleyo.
2. Yeka umntwana akhale agqibe, ukuba oko kubonakala kwanele.
3. Nika umntwana assists ukumnceda ukuba akhawuleze aphole ekonzakaleni okanye ukucaphuka.