Njengomzali, uyayidinga intsebenziswano yabantwana bakho. Intsebenziswano kuthetha ukusebenza kunye ukufezekisa into okanye kwi objective ethile. Wena nabantwana bakho kufuneka nihlale kunye kwaye ukuba unentsebenziswano yabo, izinto ziya kunihambela bhetele ngakumbi kuwe kunye nabo. Nazi izinto onokuthi uzenze, kunye nezinye izinto ongafanelanga ukuzenza, ukuze uzuze lontsebenziswano.

Ukufumana intsebenziswano kumntwana wakho, kufuneka kuqala uthethe naye malunga nale nto ayifunayo. Ukuba uzama ukwenza umntwana wakho enze okuthile, njengokudlala isixhobo somculo,ukubanako kwakhe okudlala eso sixhobo angeke ku phucuke. Kodwa ukuba uthetha naye ngayo kuqala, umbuza ukuba ucinga ntoni ngokudlala ngesixhobo okanye ngezixhobo azithandayo, uya kuvuma ukuba yinto elungileyo kuye ukuba akanabo ubuchule bokudlala noba sesinye.

Ukuzama ukweyisela umntwana wakho ngobuqhophololo (ukumnika izinto ngembuyekezo kwintsebenziswano yakhe) yinto ephosakeleyo ongayenza. Wenza impazamo embi kakhulu ukuba uthi, “Ndiza kukunika ipipi ukuba ungenza le nto.” Olo hlobo lokweyelisa alusebenzi. Kwangokunjalo, ukuba uthe kumntwana wakho, “Heee, awungethandi na ukuya egumbini lakho uye kutshintsha impahla yakho?” unokufumana impendulo, “Hayi!” Abantwana abathandi kuxelelwa into abaya kuyenza okanye abangayi kuyithanda, ngenxa yoko olu hlobo lokuphembelela nalo luyasilela.

Endaweni yokweyisela, unokwenza enye yezi zinto zimbini: ungalawula kwaye umyalele kakuhle umntwana wakho kwaye usebenze kunye naye kwaye ngaloo ndlela umenze ukuba enze le nto ubuyicele ukuba ayenze—usebenzisa unxibelelwano oluninzi olubuyela emva naphambili phakathi kwakho nomntwana—okanye ungamshiya yedwa. Alukho olunye ukhetho. Abantwana abathandi xa kunga thethwanga nabo okanye babuzwe iingcinga zabo ngento ethile.

Umntwana wakho uya kuphendula kakuhle kwaye abe nokuphendula okuhle kulawulo oluhle kunye nonxibelelwano olulungileyo. Ke xa uthetha nomntwana wakho, ukuba usebenzela ukunxibelelana naye kwaye uzama ukufumana izinto wena naye eninokuvumelana ngazo, kwaye ukuba uyamthanda kwaye umkhathalele, ungamenza enze zonke iintlobo zezinto.

Umzekelo, unokumcela umntwana wakho ukuba enze izinto ezilula, njengokuchukumisa umgangatho, ukubamba intloko yakhe, ukukhomba kuwe okanye ukufumana itafile egumbini. Unokukhohlisa okwethutyana, kodwa emva kwethutyana elincinci, uya kwenza le nto umcela ukuba ayenze. Ke, ukuba uthe, “Makhe siye kutya,” uya kuyenza.

Olu tshintsho lwenzeka kuba umntwana wakho efumanisa ukuba ezo zinto umxelela ukuba azenze aziyi kumthathela imvume yakhe yokuba nentsebeniswano. Ke imiyalelo yakho ayinabungozi kuye. Ke, wena kunye naye ningenza into kunye.

Ukuba uhlala umvumela umntwana wakho ukuba enze nantoni na ayifunayo, akazukwenza kakuhle kwaye akazokwazi ukunxibelelana ngokulula okanye nokusebenzisana nabanye abantu. Ukuba ufuna umntwana wakho enze into, impendulo ayikuko ukumvumela ukuba enze le nto ayenzayo uze ungamphazamisi okanye uzame ukulawula indlela aziphethe ngayo okanye izenzo zakhe.

Umzekelo, ngamanye amaxesha, xa ilixesha lokulala, umntwana wakho angathi, “Ndifuna ukuhlala nawe” kwaye uya kunyanzelisa ukwenza njalo, ukuzama ukubonisa ukuba unamandla okukhetha into afuna ukuyenza.

Ungenza ntoni?

Ukufumana isiphumo osinqwenelayo, kufuneka umntwana wakho umfake kunxibelelwano. Ukuba uthi, “Kulungile, lixesha lokuba ulale ngoku,” aze athi, “Hayi,” ungahlali kweso sihloko. Yiyeke kwaye uthethe ngenye into. Unokubuza, “Wenze ntoni namhlanje?” kwaye xa ephendula, buza “Yayiphi loo nto?” Ke yigcine incoko ihamba, umbuza, “Njani?” okanye “Owu, uyenzile? Ngaba yinyani leyo?” Ke xa uthe wanxibelelana naye okwethutyana, mbuze, “Kulungile, kunganjani uye ebhedini?” kwaye impendulo yomntwana iya kuba “Kulungile.”

Inqaku leli kukuba akufuneki usebenzise amandla. Awunyanzelekanga ukuba unikezele ngezipho okanye uzame ukweyisela. Endaweni yoko, nxibelelana nomntwana wakho kwaye uya kumenza ukuba enze loo nto ufuna ukuba ayenze.

Ungoyiki ukusebenzisa ulawulo, kodwa ungasebenzisi amandla. Kwaye ukuba uyaqhubeka ukwenza oku, umntwana wakho uya kuqala ukujonga kuwe ukuba ufuna ukukhokelwa. Kodwa ukuba awumniki olo lwalathiso, uyakucinga ukuba awukhathali ngaye.

Ukulawulwa kakuhle kunye nonxibelelwano yindlela yokufumana intsebenziswano nomntwana wakho kunye nokumnceda ukuba enze kakuhle ebomini njengoko ekhula.