An “assist” is an action that can be taken to lessen a discomfort someone is feeling or to help a person recover more rapidly from an accident, illness or upset.

When marital problems have been left unhandled for some time, they can cause serious fights between the marriage partners and this can be very upsetting to one or both of them.

If a fight has occurred between marital partners, the following assist can be used to help handle any emotional situation between the husband and wife.

This assist may be done by marital partners on each other after a fight or it may be used by another person to help one or both partners.

Procedure

1. Tell the person you are going to help him get over the fight.
2. Have the person sit down in a comfortable chair across from you.
3. Say to the person, “Give me places where an angry (husband/wife) would be safe.” For example, if you were assisting a wife, you would say, “Give me places where an angry husband would be safe.”
4. Get an answer from the person and acknowledge it (let them know his communication was received) with “Thank you” or “Good,” etc.
5. Say, “Give me places where an angry (husband/wife) would find you safe.”
6. Get an answer and acknowledge it.
7. Repeat steps 3–6 over and over until the person is happy and has had a realization (a sudden understanding about something) of some kind—about himself, his spouse or just life in general. When this occurs, tell the person “End of assist.”

Be certain not to tell the person what to think about his answers or tell him how he should answer. And do not give him advice about what he is handling during the assist. Do not get angry with the person about his answers. This is destructive and can stop all possible benefit or improvements he might get from the assist.

This assist is not a handling for whatever caused the conflict.

Once the immediate upset is under control, the reasons for the fight should still be discovered. For example, another person, such as a relative or friend of a marriage partner, may be creating upset between the married couple. When the person who is the source of the fight is discovered (he is often hidden), the upset resolves.

You can learn how to find the hidden sources of conflicts by doing the How to Resolve Conflicts Online Course. Whatever the cause of the difficulty is found to be, a full handling for it should be worked out and done.

The assist given above can greatly relieve upset between two people who have had a bad argument and help them get back into communication with each other.